A Much Needed Conversation

I had a much needed conversation with a friend I had known all my life.

He had recently been through the lengthy and punishing process of ascending from the ash heap of mostly his own demise.

He was positive and hopeful of the future as he praised his own growth and transition through what he referred to as “a crazy two year flight.”

As I listened and observed, I found myself uneasy with what I was hearing, for my friend in many ways was vastly different in front of me than the friend I had known for years.

Noticing my anxiety and uncertainty, he paused and looked straight in my eyes.

“Friend, I am not what I once was, and nor am I completely what I will be,” he acknowledged.

“You knew me then but feel like you don’t know me now.  Worse yet, perhaps you would rather not know me now.”

I sat silently processing his statement and my own guilt of feeling my inability to stomach his words.

Had I assumed or expected him to always remain the same?  I did not want my friend to change!  Did my friendship with him have conditions that were imbedded in my heart that now have surfaced like a bad taste in my mouth?  How many others in my life do I secretly hope will never change?  And how realistic is that daydream?  They will change, it’s inevitable!  Why does this reality scare me?  Do others in my life feel my high expectation that they are to never change?  Does that keep them at a distance, dishonest because I can’t manage their truth?  What kind of friend am I?  Or better yet, what kind of friend should I become? 

I was so troubled I had to excuse myself from the table.  Gathering my thoughts and feelings was like fine tooth combing a recent bloodied battle ground.  The personal revelation of the real issue was not that my friend had changed, but rather my own heart needed to change toward him, and perhaps many others. 

Returning to the table where my friend sat patiently, I began an honest conversation with hope and intent to restore.  Although it took only minutes it seemed like hours when we feasted on transparency and honesty.  I learned that real friends don’t always have to agree but need to listen and embrace the many life transitions in and around one another.  I confessed my fear of change in general and my ignorant worship of sameness and stagnation, in my life and the lives of others.  I celebrated his areas of personal growth and gave him the freedom he needed to be himself, which resulted in him having a true friend in me, Myself.

~2012 Vaughn Wood