An Admirable Man

If a man is honest with others

                And with himself…

If he receives gratefully and gives quietly…

                If he is gentle enough to feel

And strong enough to show his feelings…

                If he is slow to see the faults of others

                But quick to discover their goodness…

If he is cheerful in difficult times

                And modest in success…

If he does his best to be true to his beliefs…

                Then he is truly an admirable man.

Author Unknown

~ I was given this poem when I graduated from high school many moons ago from my grandmother, who has since passed away.  I found this in a box of items that I haven't seen for over twenty-six years.  It has new meaning to me during this time of major transition in my life.  Particularly the statement, "If he does his best to be true to his beliefs..."  My recent journey has been a process of the answer to two of the most important questions any person can ask themselves: Who am I and What is it that I really want?  Wrapped up in these questions is the needed soul search of "what do I really believe?"  I would not consider myself "critical" of the church culture of which I have been a part of for over two decades in various leadership capacities.  But I am extremely fatigued and dissallusioned of the way in which the Christian church culture continues to function.  It is not difficult to find many tired, weary, and overly worked leaders and members in the church at large.  After twenty years of full-time ministry, I found myself extremely unhappy and dissatisfied.  This, according to our Christian beliefs, is not to be.  But the more I speak to leaders, the more common I find this delimma.  Unhappiness is not stomached very well in the circles of fellowship.  Many jump to conclusions that this must be due to something the believer has done or not done.  If you read your Bible everyday and pray, and attend church regularly, you should be "happy."  This is where the believer finds themselves all alone in the midst of a crowd, who for the most part, appear happy.  So how has this effected my belief system?  Greatly!  I have a very hard time picturing Christ pleased, as well as involved, in such a media frenzied and fast pace marketing world the church is full force involved in.  I simply believe we are missing something.  Something vital.  Like depth and the ability to simply sit with people who are broken without trying to fix them.  Some things just can't be easily fixed, or perhaps, God-forbid, are not meant to be fixed.  The church can't stomach dysfunction and therefore is blind to its own dysfunction.  Simply my opinion, but I am finding it in almost every house of worship I visit.  How much of the weekly busyness in the church is simply an illusion?  What would people do if that illusion was revealed?  Jesus could handle being in the company of people with problems without fixing every problem.  I think we should be too.  So, back to the above poem, concerning being true to my beliefs... a person's belief system is not meant to be static...same as always.  The church can't stomach that either very well.  Doctrine that is not growing and transitioning, is not living, and therefore not transforming.  I don't claim to have the answer, just revaluating the questions of the heart.  There is a question behind every sermon, Biblical lesson, group discussion.  What are we really asking and are we ok without an answer.  I fear those who have an answer for every question concerning faith.  Jesus answered most questions with a question.  Interesting.  Perhaps because the real need was not an answer, but people discovering the true questions of their heart.  That is where a belief system is conceived, but not always tolerated by man's dogma.