Anyone in the past six months who has seriously sought employment knows how incredibly difficult it is to land a job right now, and I'm referring to just about any job, so I thought I should blog about it in case anyone else is feeling a bit fatigued and discouraged. The fatigued part fits me currently, but not the discouraged as of yet because I am hanging onto hope that something is going to eventually open up for me as I continue rigorously knocking.
I have been basically surviving financially for the past eight months on temporary work that I have either created for myself or have landed with the help of friends. I had a promising career with State Farm that was the closest thing to a real job. The position I got as a producer in a new agency launch in Post Falls, Idaho last September and October allotted me the opportunity to gain my insurance licenses in Washington and allowed me to build some new friendships with potential team members. To say the least, I saw this opportunity as a total God-thing. The position I got usually takes someone nearly a year to attain after going through the recruitment process with State Farm, all of which I was able to bypass due to some great referrals and recommendations from friends in the business. Our new agency was to launch November 1st. Due to circumstances out of my control, the agency launch was terminated nine days before the launch, leaving every member of the new agency team, once again, unemployed immediately. I took a two week temporary job through Manpower while inquiring, applying, and interviewing for insurance agencies in the Pacific Northwest. Absolutely no one was overly zealous about hiring a new team member. After a number of "no's" and a couple of "maybe's," I found myself convinced that the new prospects of being in the insurance biz in the Pacific Northwest is completely dry at this time. I also applied for over fifty other jobs in the area and came up empty.
My sister in Southern California invited me to come stay with her in December to inquire about jobs in her area. Up to December, I could not have survived financially without the help of family and friends. I must confess that it is tough being on the receiving end of financial assistance. I'm more use to being on the giving side, but I've had to learn to humbly receive at this time, and grateful I am.
I am currently still in Southern California, and feel certain that this is where I am suppose to be. This decision has been difficult but necessary in my own heart and mind as I diligently seek employment. This hasn't been easy with an open opportunity in Eugene, OR... but I feel a need to continue plugging away at potential opportunities in Southern California, giving this peace that I feel about my location (a peace I don't want to lose) time and serious effort in the hunt.
I have currently applied for over ninety jobs, all of which I fully qualify for. As of today, only one of my references on my resume has reported that they received one call for a referral. This has absolutely blown me away. The only conclusion that makes sense is that numerous people are applying for the same job, which makes sense when you look at the local, regional, and national unemployment stats. I believe this is where our nation is really feeling the depth of our financial crisis and instability, and although everyone is feeling it to some degree (i.e. higher gas prices, etc), I am convinced that no one is feeling it as bad as the unemployed right now who are seriously seeking a steady job, there just isn't enough to go around. Right now, if my personal circumstances were better, it would be easier for me to begin an entirely new church plant in a community than it has been to find a job. If I had the funding, I would start my own business, but that is not realistic at this time.
I have always been able to find a job immediately when needed, or start my own business, so this process has been very humbling, and in some cases humiliated. Most people I speak with about my situation genuinely care, especially family. Other's (most of whom have reliable careers and jobs) speak to me at times like I don't know what I'm doing, assuming that if I did know what I was doing I would certainly be able to land a job. This is frustrating and adds greatly to the fatigue that I spoke of earlier.
The loss of my career, ministry, and regular income last April of 2010, left me feeling like an absolute failure, which I was, genuinely, especially the way in which my choices destroyed everything I had worked so hard for over two decades. The continual silence and rejection from prospective employers has added greatly to this sense of failure, leaving me daily to fight hard to find contentment and self-respect only in my personal relationship with my maker. I'm referring to "son-ship." Even in spiritual terms, family is everything. Although simply being "His" doesn't always pay the bills or buy the essentials, it does allow one to lay his head on his pillow each night with an indescribable peace and assurance that I have done all that could do today in my own effort, honestly, to change my circumstances, and at the end of the day to know that the greatest things to possess, I have fully - a God who loves me like a son, forgiveness of my sins (past, present, and future), and earthly family and friends who love me and continue to believe in me (without titles, good reputation, or job). In this state of mind each night, I focus on the facts: I'm not homeless (yet), I'm not void of a good meal and good company daily. These things are priceless, costing others around me their hard-earned income. This is where it is tough to receive, seeing others work so hard for what I need in the now, but forever grateful. These facts move you in ways unknown to the daily consumer, who complains about the job they have, always in want and need of "more." My desire for "more" got me into this mess, and my knowledge now of what it really means to be truly content with what you have, in the now, is preparing me for what is to come, a life full of true contentment and ability to help others in need.
A week ago I had my last dollar on me, made up of three quarters in my pocket, two dimes, and one nickle. A man stopped outside a twenty-four hour restaurant where I was inquiring about an opportunity to wash dishes or bus tables. The man asked me if I could spare any change and I'm still not sure why, but for the first time I didn't even hesitate. I could see that I still had it better off than him. As I reached in my pocket and easily collected the remains of all I had left and placed the coinage in his hand, he said, "Oh thanks man, God bless you!" My instant reply was, "He has..." As I drove away in my borrowed vehicle, owned by my sister, full of fuel, purchased by my sister, I knew that I could never fit all of what God has blessed me with in my pockets. The blessings of God far outweigh dollars and cents.
As a church planter, I have had times where I had plenty, and times where I had nothing of monetary value. But through out the years God has always provided what I truly need. I figure if I don't have it (after an honest effort to get it), I must not need it, in the now.
Well, I need to get back to giving God something to work with: follow-up on resume's sent and jobs applied for, apply for more, and somehow not neglect enjoying the beautiful day, my good health, and the peace that I have that at least I know I am where I am suppose to be, in the now.
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