liquid wisdom...

I just wrapped up another great afternoon poolside where I live. I've always loved the water, any water -  a pool, beach, river or a lake. It has all the elements of how I like to live - playful, restful and re-energized. Without these three life-style habits all the labor, success and effort to make a living are not worth the attempt.  Some things fill our tank in life and some things empty it.  Knowing the difference between the two in life...priceless. I have apologized for a lot of things in my life but never for my playfulness, necessary rest and the discipline to re-energize. You shouldn't either.  See you poolside.

balance between nature & nurture

I began parenting twenty-six years ago. I can honestly say that I parented, and still do, the best I can with what I have and know to do. I’m not a perfect parent but do strive to be the best parent I can be today.

In a week, my youngest will graduate from High School and begin the journey of independence his three older siblings have embarked on successfully. I’m very proud of my children. I’m delighted in who they were, who they are and who they are becoming. When they were young and learning their first words, developing mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, I never once assumed, expected or even desired that they would never change. I’ve noticed that my own unconditional love and acceptance of them embraces such change, and always should. Who my kids are now is only a portion of who they have been, and are becoming. I don’t expect my kids to be perfect but I do expect them to continue learning and growing into the best “them” they can be.

Selfishly, I must admit, I learn so much from my children. Watching, listening and interacting with them in their world have taught me so many life lessons that have helped me on my journey. I couldn't imagine my life without them, nor would I want to.

Some people wake up in the morning and admire the beauty of their blossoming garden. I look at pictures and social media posts of my kids and smile. When I’m able to wrap my arms around my children there is still something in me that makes me not want to let go. That “something” is not fear or protection; it is my desire to savor that moment and somehow cause time to stand still. But time has its way with all of us. It is that continual balance between nature and nurture. Love it, and love “them” completely.

Pillow Talk

I don’t often remember dreams. Lately, I have been having a reoccurring dream that I cannot shake. I’m a strong believer that such a dream is full of meaning. Although the finite details within the dream are not clearly remembered, the location, company of people and my feelings of utter chaos and vulnerability are clear as day. This dream has been reoccurring for over two weeks now. I've been a student in the past of dream analysis. As a psychology major in college (I changed majors 16 credits shy of a psych degree…ha…so me) I enjoyed a dream analysis class where we kept dream journals all semester. I always wondered how the professor must have had some entertaining evenings reading his students dream journals to say the least. There are many books and materials on the subject. Because my dream was full of chaos and fear, followed by my fight to defend myself in battle after battle, I decided to research such dream-state activity and some of their proposed meanings. Here is a taste of some of the results:

Chaotic states in the dream reveal mostly mental oppression, feelings which cannot be arranged.

Feelings of fear in a dream are associated with unexpressed love, self-doubt. Certain schools of thought see outbursts caused by fear in dreams as a necessary counter measure and need for protection of some kind, on the other hand, as a sign of a historical burden of the past.

One understands by displacement in the depth psychology as an internal defense based on what one feels is unsafe and they do not want to be threatened any more. Displacement is a motivated forgotten.

Because we tend to edge out these fears when we are awake, they strike us in the night dream. If I am afraid to express openly my aggression, I will probably have the dreams in which I am confronted with this aggression.

One must in the woken state evaluate the reason for such feelings of fear and chaos and work through alternative approaches than what is occurring when confronted in the dream with aggression, otherwise the dreams will reoccur. (from several sources)

Needless to say, my counselor has a lot of work ahead with me :-)

I write this to encourage others to not be afraid of being self-aware of even things that are so deep within us that are so easily neglected in the daily routine of life. These things deep inside us are very real and need to be dealt with. Like many, I’m more prone to deal only with the physical needs that are obvious (i.e. weight loss or a much needed hair cut). These are easier to accept and jump to the chance to give it my full attention.

It is the hidden issues of the heart that impact our loved ones and us in potentially negative ways. You, and your loved ones, deserve such health and wholeness in every way.

Sweet dreams friend!

The Whittington Family: Ryland's Story

Take the time to watch this video of this incredible family unit and their acceptance of authenticity. It is a great example of being authentic and the need of those in your life to love and accept you genuinely. Why is this so difficult for many?

Check out and think about these quotes below...worth the ponder.

“We have to dare to be ourselves, however frightening or strange that self may prove to be.” 
― May Sarton

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” 
― C.G. Jung

“There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being unapologetically you.” 
― Steve Maraboli, Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Amen, Amen, Amen!

Dogology

I confess, I’m extremely jealous of my dog.  My dog has a natural predisposition to love unconditionally and live shamelessly.   She has no point of view when it comes to when and where she will be on any given day as we set her agenda and drag her around everywhere.  I've never heard her complain or come up with an excuse why she just doesn't want to get up or go for a walk.  She simply is.  She was born in a big scary world, but knows nothing of daily newsworthy world events, and never will.  She’s not Republican or democrat, neither liberal nor conservative.  She loves gay people, straight people and all those in between. She has no financial concerns or relational woes.  She was born in Nebraska yet doesn't know the difference from here to there.  My dog has no spiritual agenda or belief system other than to simply be.  She has a deep devotion to me and all those who are close to me.  Her biggest ambition is simply to have fun, whether you’re in the mood or not.  She is a lot of what I have always wanted to be.  If she could speak my language, her mantra would be “love and enjoy being loved.”  And people have the gull to tell me she’s the one without a soul?  Our pets may have the purest doctrine of all and understanding of their place in this world.  Squirrel!! 

the world we live in...

I wake to my normal craving of literary inspiration

A word or phrase worth remembering

All the while the news proclaims another shooting

Of the innocent nearby

But I barely bat an eye

Why?

One man's freedom

Is now a mother's good-bye

our place in the world...

You can learn a lot about someone in their prayers.  The following is a revised prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi.  It is an example of much more than a simple list of requests to a deity. It is revealing the issues related to the human element, as well as the human relation element that authentically impacts our daily lives whether we realize it or not. Take a minute to read through it…

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Amen

Can you hear it?  Francis is communicating from his known place in this world as it relates to his belief in the life now and the hereafter.  Think with me about humanity in general and how much of our daily actions and decisions come from our personal belief and current understanding of our place in this world.  Man has struggled getting this right throughout history.  We are not alone.  We are not above.  We are not below. Humanity is in this together. No matter the race, creed, economical status, level of education, political affiliation, condition of health or age in general. No matter if we are historically part of the recorded past, present or unwritten future of mankind.  Simply being human places a mandate on each of us to function in view of the grand scheme of things.  We are connected.  This not a choice, it is nature.  How does this affect how I live and function daily?  There is no expectation of perfection in Francis’ prayer for himself or others, only a seeking after the wisdom to function within the dysfunction.   This is our place. This is our time. It goes without saying, this is mankind’s daily prayer.

~2013 Vaughn Wood   

Manly Parody...

A man will never be fully content unless he is whole.

Absolute and complete wholeness is not achievable in this human frame.

Therefore the absence of want is achieved only when honest inventory is taken.

Honest inventory brings a man momentarily to a higher level of wholeness, 

that is until honest inventory is necessary again, which is always. 

Introspection

Clarity

Epiphany


So goes a man in route of becoming, potentially never arriving, but being content with that.



~2013 Vaughn Wood

Seven Signs That You are Growing Older and Wiser

You are simply not overly impressed with any human institution

You use fewer words to express an opinion to a selective audience

You know that love is larger than words and it encompasses everyone

You are aware that there are more ways than your way and more to learn than you already know

You forgive yourself and others more quickly than you ever did before

You embrace today and dare to live it until its gone

You are comfortable in your own company but choose to bring others along


~Vaughn Wood 2013

r u serious?

click on link below and tell me your thoughts...

Extreme religious addiction and delirium

Mr. Jones...

If you feel like you don't fit into the detailed landscape of organized religion, remember you are alive, therefore an important part of a much larger scheme of things, a universal quorum, beloved and as authentic as it gets.

~2013 Vaughn Wood

Thanksgiving Past, Present and Future: The Enduring Quality of Family

I woke today, not surprised or startled by the presence of my thankfulness, but at peace with my Maker, fellow man and life as it is.  This will be my third Thanksgiving since a series of bad choices brutally threatened and wounded what seemed in many hearts and minds to be indestructible, Family. I am thankful for the vast difference between an entity as precious as Family being painfully redefined, compared to destroyed completely.  This is not my first rodeo. I will never forget Thanksgiving 1978, when the table was set with one less plate. Although our family was not completely wiped out, the absence of my beautiful deceased sister, Jodi, was felt deeply and a Family was redefined in quantity as a unit of four rather than five.

                                                                                               

There are two elements of choice that coincide which threaten any home from inside or outside the home. The first is an individual human choice that leads to failure and the second is the surviving member’s choices of managing such failure. Both of these have the potential to destroy or redefine “Family.”  Redefining our Family successfully has everything to do with a correct perspective of the past.  Although much can, and should, be learned from the past, the past is not meant to be lived in.  This can seem at times conflicting when some aspects of our past does define us, genetically and mentally, but it does not define us, nor our future, completely.  Family consists of human beings.  Human beings are organic, living beings, who are continually changing.  Some of these changes are celebrated and others are painfully processed.  Redefining how Family lives, breathes and loves is uncomfortable, but not impossible. 

My memory of three Thanksgivings ago is now much of a blur.  My immediate, precious family of six, as well as extended family members too many to count, were all emotionally, mentally, financially and even physically incensed.  There was no quick fix to our problems.  Like many families, space was needed to sort through the drivel.  For me, it was the most isolated and solitary time of my life, and for the first time in my life, I had considered ending it.  It was a time of grieving over the death of what was and the uncertainty of what it will be for all involved.  I quickly learned that the past was no place to live.  A Family will either be obliterated completely or painfully transitioned into a new normal.  Both are chaotic, but only one speaks of the true value of everyone within the Family unit.

The process of redefining a Family, or how people “do” family, begins with each individual redefining themselves through two lenses, the past (in light of only what it can offer to teach us) and the future (in light of the opportunities to heal, feel and love without condition).  I wish I could say such a personal journey is effortless, but it is not.  I believe now more than ever that Family is worth fighting and dying for, because that is exactly what it takes to pick up the pieces of human failure, taking inventory of all that is precious remaining, and recreating something that is meaningful and substantial.  The outcome will never be what everyone thought it would be in the past, but it will be new, colorfully wrapped in faith, hope and love, and handled with grace and mercy for generations to come.  Such a legacy will always have its story, with no end.  For this, I am forever thankful for "Family," past, present and future. 

perspective

There is always more than one view of our circumstance;


Up close it's always intimidating and breeds momentary insecurity,
mental anguish and reaction.


When viewed from an angle,
the possibility of escape and hope of plausible detour lingers - a moment of decision.


From above, the view is surprising in light of its smallness,
as it is swallowed up in the mix of all things good and evil.


When finally viewed behind us, reality overcomes chaos,
 and wisdom takes a bow.


~Vaughn Wood 2012

A Much Needed Conversation

I had a much needed conversation with a friend I had known all my life.

He had recently been through the lengthy and punishing process of ascending from the ash heap of mostly his own demise.

He was positive and hopeful of the future as he praised his own growth and transition through what he referred to as “a crazy two year flight.”

As I listened and observed, I found myself uneasy with what I was hearing, for my friend in many ways was vastly different in front of me than the friend I had known for years.

Noticing my anxiety and uncertainty, he paused and looked straight in my eyes.

“Friend, I am not what I once was, and nor am I completely what I will be,” he acknowledged.

“You knew me then but feel like you don’t know me now.  Worse yet, perhaps you would rather not know me now.”

I sat silently processing his statement and my own guilt of feeling my inability to stomach his words.

Had I assumed or expected him to always remain the same?  I did not want my friend to change!  Did my friendship with him have conditions that were imbedded in my heart that now have surfaced like a bad taste in my mouth?  How many others in my life do I secretly hope will never change?  And how realistic is that daydream?  They will change, it’s inevitable!  Why does this reality scare me?  Do others in my life feel my high expectation that they are to never change?  Does that keep them at a distance, dishonest because I can’t manage their truth?  What kind of friend am I?  Or better yet, what kind of friend should I become? 

I was so troubled I had to excuse myself from the table.  Gathering my thoughts and feelings was like fine tooth combing a recent bloodied battle ground.  The personal revelation of the real issue was not that my friend had changed, but rather my own heart needed to change toward him, and perhaps many others. 

Returning to the table where my friend sat patiently, I began an honest conversation with hope and intent to restore.  Although it took only minutes it seemed like hours when we feasted on transparency and honesty.  I learned that real friends don’t always have to agree but need to listen and embrace the many life transitions in and around one another.  I confessed my fear of change in general and my ignorant worship of sameness and stagnation, in my life and the lives of others.  I celebrated his areas of personal growth and gave him the freedom he needed to be himself, which resulted in him having a true friend in me, Myself.

~2012 Vaughn Wood

the line in between two dates...

I spent this past weekend working in one of our beautiful cemeteries assisting families in finding their loved one's wresting place, as well as digging up covered vases for their various spray of flowers.  Memorial Day weekend is crazy busy in my current line of employment, but rewarding.  Thousands of families visited this past weekend.  Call me strange, but I have become very intrigued with the epitaphs on the memorial tablets in the park.  I love to walk through the cemetery and read the summations of people's lives.  The interesting thing is, most people's epitaphs are not chosen by the deceased, but by their family and friends.  Many of the markers simply give the persons name, date of birth, and the date of death, nothing more.  Even these two dates intrigue me.  So much of life occurred in the time between these two dates, but details for most are not recorded, simply a brief summation or oration is engraved.  Some of my favorites that I've seen are:  "I told you I was sick," "go away, I'm sleeping," and the one above, "He never killed a man that did not need killing."  The most common that I see in the parks really grabbed my attention more than usual this past weekend, simply, "Beloved husband, father, and grandfather."  I realize that none of these people who have died lived perfect lives, but it takes a faithful person to be rewarded by their family with such an oration of "beloved husband, father, and grandfather." 

Death is inevitable for all us, but the timing of our death is unknown.  I began to think about how each of our epitaphs can potentially change by the changing circumstances in our lives.  For instance the phrase "Beloved husband" could be ascribed a man at one time in his life, but not another.  I got way too creative on my walkabout and imagined a marker that had an epitaph that would continually change and transform itself throughout our lives with each life-altering choice we make.  Imagine words appearing and disappearing kind of mysteriously as we live, then we breath our last and whatever words appeared for that time in our life become set in stone forever - yet never fully describing who or what that individual has been throughout a lifetime. 

You can't help but think of your own life as you stroll the cemetery in this fashion.  What if your life up to this moment was all your loved one's had to surmise?  How do you want to be remembered?  What words best describe you?  I think most of us simply desire to love and be loved within the duration of time between our date of birth and death.  Some lives can't be summed up in ten words or less on stone and perhaps weren't meant to.  And if you're living daily so concerned with what others might say or think about you, you're not really living.  I'm beginning to believe that the best epitaph has no words at all and that the "dash" between the date of our birth and our death SAYS IT ALL...

Free Relational GPS... Part 1

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus then human relations are the culmination of an ongoing sensitive foreign policy between two distinct species that begin worlds apart and are destined to be war-torn. 

Or, truth be told, men and women did not begin worlds apart, rather in perfect union and harmony.  The continuance of such union and harmony is the cooperative enduring effort of reflecting the very Divine nature in which we derived. Such a journey is impossible without proper navigation.  We have been given a relational road map, a fail-proof relational GPS, that details each maneuver to get our relationships back on track when they have gone astray (seem worlds apart). 

There are four pivotal maneuvers in this divinely inspired route.   At first glance, the maneuvers can appear confusing, tedious, and impossible to endure, therefore often neglected, leaving many in relational disarray attempting to find their own way.   But this free relational GPS comes with the very company and comfort of the One who created the fail-proof GPS system, and has Himself made this journey often.   The maneuvers, in their proper order, lead to unity and harmony in our relationships.  Although these maneuvers derive from a heavenly realm, they are meant for earthly good (personal application). 

The first maneuver in the fail-proof relational GPS is FORGIVENESS.  Forgiveness is a decision to release the offender from the rightful charge of the offense, never to be used against them again.  Forgiveness is not for the offender as much as it is for the offended.  By releasing the offender of their offense, the offended are free from the power of the offense having control of their lives and hardening their hearts (bitterness, vengeance, etc).  This is the first maneuver on the way to the fullest potential of any broken relationship.  It involves the offended forgiving the offender, as well as the offender forgiving themselves.  It is a personal decision to not limit oneself to the ruse of victimization.  This maneuver is a simple decision.  After this maneuver, stay in the right lane and continue on the adjacent highway.

The second maneuver in the fail-proof relational GPS is RECONCILIATION. Reconciliation is an act of our willingness to meet, offended with the offender, equally.  Reconciliation is literally an appointment (meeting) to communicate with one another in light of a hopeful outcome of unity and harmony.  During this maneuver there are a few miles to endure, communicating clearly the core values and redeemable qualities of the relationship – discovering why it is worth healing and salvaging.  Once these are agreed upon, with forgiveness as the precursor and driving force of this act of the will on both parts, you will want to take the next exit at the nearest “rest” stop.

The third maneuver in the fail-proof relational GPS is REST-ORATION.  Restoration is the creation and implantation of a plan and its process to bring the relationship back to its original state, but in a new and improved form that will be fulfilling for all involved.  In human relations, covering a multitude of sins with love does not happen overnight.  It is a cooperative effort involving the metamorphosis of how unity and harmony are going to be lived out in the relationship in the now, as well as on into the future.   A peaceful resolve is agreed upon and lived fully. 

There is a fourth maneuver beyond the “rest” stop.  As you merge back onto the highway toward unity and harmony you will want to maneuver into the carpool lane and get ready for the long haul.  The fourth maneuver on the relational GPS provided is RENEWAL.  Renewal is the ongoing growth and transformation (change) in a restored relationship.  Renewal is very organic and must be tended to much like a garden.  It embraces change and makes needed adjustments to allow all things to become new in the relationship, continually.  Human relations must be re-negotiated often.  Like a garden in full bloom is kept, weeded, harvested and reseeded, so are our individual and collective views, values, and volition throughout time.  Renewal is the ongoing signs of life in a healthy relationship that are worthy of celebration. 

Happiness is not a final destination; it’s the chosen perception of an ever changing view along the journey of life. 

~2011 Vaughn Wood

sweet serenity and fellow inmates...

I woke today missing the serenity of my walk on the beach last evening.  The evening shores have become a unique and ethereal place I have found as of late to be alone with my own company and swarming thoughts.  The sky was unusually sinister, darker than I’ve witnessed in the past.  Only a few stars could be made out.  It somewhat matched my mood at the time.  As I approached the beachfront here in Huntington late last night, I walked by two young men who were sitting against their truck with their arms raised above their heads and hands firmly clutched as two police officers searched their vehicle for contraband of some kind.  The two young men stared at me as I walked by in the dark parking lot at the beach, never giving in to the stare-down that ensued between us for that brief moment.  It was strange how much I felt a sense of relation to their circumstance.  Their attempt to hide something was sure to surface eventually, and for them, tonight it washed up on shore for all the world to see who they really were.  It’s such an atrocious feeling; that sense of disappointment in one’s self, while anger rages inside the guilty against those whom you feel are being overly judicious to your circumstance, but deserving.  These two young men will have a lot to think about in the days to come.  Hopefully they will find such a space as I have this past year to be comfortable enough with their own company in order to do business with all that lies beneath the surface of their tough exterior and experience freedom from the noose they weaved day after day, thread by thread for years that they nearly hung themselves with.  I walked the beach at night thinking about such personal transcendence.  The work involved and the time that it takes is never-ending.  I could tell that these young men were pissed off at the world and those in authority, and even at me for staring.  There is perhaps no greater threat and evil than self-deception: It’s cunning and creative, but worse yet, hides in the grottos of all of our hearts, longing to be heard and believed.  We feed it with heaping portions of fear daily.  It grows stronger than who we really are and were meant to be, and sadly, is usually exposed and dealt with once it’s done its harm.  War is nearly impossible to clean up, especially when its internal. 

Well, I woke early this morning (5:30am) and returned to the same site on the beachfront, not wanting to leave my thoughts where they were last evening, dark and gloomy.  Still as ethereal as the night prior, but this time the parking lot was empty.  The truck, the two young men, and the police were nowhere in sight.  The mysterious black sky had lifted, and the sun was rising in response to a much higher power, which always has the last word.  Yap, a new day had dawned.  I stood there praying to the one who had orchestrated such a miraculous, perpetual transition.  I was reminded by that still, small voice that is the same yesterday, today, and forever, that His mercy is, and will always be…new every morning.   There’s a vast difference telling one’s self “good night,” compared to “good morning.”  Both have their intermediary duties in the larger scheme of things, but there is just something extraordinary about the unveiling of a new day and the composition of a new paragraph or brief sentence in the story of mankind, of which I’m glad to be among the living.  

Jorja on my mind...

enjoyed a quick but meaningful visit sunday evening with my new granddaughter, Jorja.  So proud of my daughter Lachele.  She's an awesome mommy.  Thirty minutes southbound on the 405 to San Clemente from Huntington Beach has become my favorite drive because of the precious company upon arrival and the incredible view I have on the way there and on my way back of A VERY BRIGHT FUTURE.

lessons I'm learning from my new grandaughter, Jorja...

the right head gear can make any outfit pop

dream big...everything else will pan out

napping after a great meal is totally natural

find comfort in those near you!

First Grandchild...Jorja Elena Monroe Pate

Born March 30th 2011 Mission Viejo, CA

Proud parents Lachele (my dtr) and hubby Will

Proud Papi