Thanksgiving Past, Present and Future: The Enduring Quality of Family

I woke today, not surprised or startled by the presence of my thankfulness, but at peace with my Maker, fellow man and life as it is.  This will be my third Thanksgiving since a series of bad choices brutally threatened and wounded what seemed in many hearts and minds to be indestructible, Family. I am thankful for the vast difference between an entity as precious as Family being painfully redefined, compared to destroyed completely.  This is not my first rodeo. I will never forget Thanksgiving 1978, when the table was set with one less plate. Although our family was not completely wiped out, the absence of my beautiful deceased sister, Jodi, was felt deeply and a Family was redefined in quantity as a unit of four rather than five.

                                                                                               

There are two elements of choice that coincide which threaten any home from inside or outside the home. The first is an individual human choice that leads to failure and the second is the surviving member’s choices of managing such failure. Both of these have the potential to destroy or redefine “Family.”  Redefining our Family successfully has everything to do with a correct perspective of the past.  Although much can, and should, be learned from the past, the past is not meant to be lived in.  This can seem at times conflicting when some aspects of our past does define us, genetically and mentally, but it does not define us, nor our future, completely.  Family consists of human beings.  Human beings are organic, living beings, who are continually changing.  Some of these changes are celebrated and others are painfully processed.  Redefining how Family lives, breathes and loves is uncomfortable, but not impossible. 

My memory of three Thanksgivings ago is now much of a blur.  My immediate, precious family of six, as well as extended family members too many to count, were all emotionally, mentally, financially and even physically incensed.  There was no quick fix to our problems.  Like many families, space was needed to sort through the drivel.  For me, it was the most isolated and solitary time of my life, and for the first time in my life, I had considered ending it.  It was a time of grieving over the death of what was and the uncertainty of what it will be for all involved.  I quickly learned that the past was no place to live.  A Family will either be obliterated completely or painfully transitioned into a new normal.  Both are chaotic, but only one speaks of the true value of everyone within the Family unit.

The process of redefining a Family, or how people “do” family, begins with each individual redefining themselves through two lenses, the past (in light of only what it can offer to teach us) and the future (in light of the opportunities to heal, feel and love without condition).  I wish I could say such a personal journey is effortless, but it is not.  I believe now more than ever that Family is worth fighting and dying for, because that is exactly what it takes to pick up the pieces of human failure, taking inventory of all that is precious remaining, and recreating something that is meaningful and substantial.  The outcome will never be what everyone thought it would be in the past, but it will be new, colorfully wrapped in faith, hope and love, and handled with grace and mercy for generations to come.  Such a legacy will always have its story, with no end.  For this, I am forever thankful for "Family," past, present and future.